you ever said or heard others say, "I don't ever want to be a burden to
my children"? It's a common thought, but what have you done to insure
that you won't be? If your parents shares these sentiments, now is the
time to initiate dialogue with them before it's too late. The inevitable
future includes aging for all of us.
Many of us, seniors included, will
be called upon as caregivers of our loved ones. The first "baby boomers',
the group born after World War II ended, are just turning fifty. It is
likely that this group of Americans may spend more years caring for elderly
parents than they spend raising children. They truly exemplify the sandwich
Caregiving can be complicated. Finding
resouces and making decisions is not an easy task. The entire family should
be addressing caregiving issues. If elderly parents are capable, by all
means, involve them in an open discussion of issues directly related to
their future. If they seem reluctant at first, persist. It's far better
to "air" their fears and yours now, while they are still capable. Be sure
to involve all siblings in the discussion even the "long distance" children.
If they can't be there, keep them well informed, preferably in writing.
Informal letters serve well.
The following questions
can serve as guides for families trying to make rational, educated decisions:
- Who will be the principal caregiver?
- What involvement will siblings have?
- Which responsibilities can be shared?
(Supervising medications, shopping, doctors, day care, etc.)
- Is communication open and honest
between caregiver and elderly person?
- Do family members share feelings
- Financial and Legal
- What is the person's financial situation?
- Is ther a list of assets, their
value, their locations?
- Is there a private pension? Is it
mailed directly to a bank? Which one?
- What is the social security amount?
Is it directly deposited? Where?
- Are there other sources of income?
Annuities, stocks, interest, IRA's, CD's, safe deposit box?
- What are the debts? Mortgages, car
- Is there a need to apply for SSI,
Supplementary Security Income?
- Is medical coverage adequate?
- Is there a prescription plan? Long
term care insurance? Medicare? Medicaid?
- Has anyone consulted an eldercare
- Has the elderly person transferred
- What is the "time frame" in your
state for transferring assets before being qualified for Medicaid?
- Is there a will, a living will,
a power of attorney, a durable power of attorney that lasts beyond incapacitation?
Where are they kept?
- Is there an insurance policy? Where
is it kept?
- What housing opitons are possible?
Can the elderly person live alone?
- What about an assisted living facility?
- Is a nursing facility or a personal
care facility needed?
- Is senior housing or shared housing
- Is a life care community feasible?
- Has the person or family any "up-front
money" available for some period of personal pay in a nursing home?
- Has the person had a recent physical?
Is there a family doctor? Has a geriatric assessment been ordered?
- What medications are being taken?
By prescription? Over the counter?
- Ask the pharmacist or doctor if
any medications interactions should be avoided. Ask if any meds should
not be taken together. Any foods avoided?
- Are there any pre-paid funeral expenses?
Any specific funeral wishes?
- What funeral home? A viewing? A
- Cremation? Any specific desires?
- Can you discuss death with the person
for whom you are caring? Why not? Most of the elderly do not fear discussion