following are true stories sent in by today's caregivers:
husband and I take care of my mother. Four years ago she had a
debilitating stroke. Three years ago she was diagnosed with cancer.
I was back and forth for a while helping my mom, and when other
sources of care ended I was in place as well as my husband to provide
her with 24 hour care. We have had one weekend off in about a year.
We hope to get one in a month or so.
is enough money to run the household and take care of Mom, but
our needs cause a shortfall of about $300 to $600 a month. Credit
cards have been the temporary answer. This, of course, can't go
on forever. We would each like to get a part-time job, very part-time,
doing something we could squeeze in. The problem is that there
is a level of chaos built into our routine and our efforts have
been sabotaged. My mother wants our constant attention and plays
many games to get it. She gets on the phone and tells certain friends
and relatives things that simply aren't true. It is an amazing
feat of manipulation and treachery. Sometimes we have sweet and
pleasant times together, but Mom likes to stir things up when they
get routine and restful. Chaos ensues.
love her and want to help her live as long as possible. It goes
without saying. We had Christmas with the relatives and she was
fine if quiet. As soon as the last one was out the door, she began
to moan and repeat words over and over and look at me blankly when
I asked her what's wrong. I will get her to the doctor or a hospital
in the morning if this persists. She does it from time to time
and then snaps too with clarity and starts kicking behind and taking
I must go get her temp. This is a tiny glimpse into the day in
a 38-year-old single only child, and my parents are 82 and 80 years
old. They still live independently but it's been getting harder,
with three major surgeries for my mom this year. I know I have
a lot to do and to face over the next few years and sometimes don't
feel up to the task. Sometimes I wish I had a spouse or siblings
to help, but then, too, I know I'm very blessed in an incredibly
rich community of friends, and I have a great, well-paying job
that lets me hire home care for them and lets me give my mom a
little respite stay in a nursing home recently, so both she and
dad could have a break. I'm lucky, but it's still so hard.
I'm very glad to have found this site, though.
story is no different than any other caregiver of someone with
Alzheimer's; some have support from families and friends, others
like me have
none. I have learned to be resourceful out of need, but I am beginning
to worry about how I will get around to do grocery shopping when
she is no longer able to go out shopping with me. I worry about
bills not getting paid due to lack of money. I feel so alone and
isolated, with no one to come and visit or very few even calling
us. I don't know how many other people have found family and friends
turning their backs on them.
reached a point where I finally said to myself there has to be
a way to inform people of our plight so I began writing poems about
Alzheimer's and what it does to the victim and the caregiver. Someday
I hope to publish them for all to read.
let me tell you my husband and I have just gone through Alzheimer's
with his mother; she just passed way at the end of October. My
husband's family was lucky his niece took his mom in when she
wasn't able to live alone anymore. My mother-in-law was well
taken care of by her granddaughter and that wasn't a worry to
us, but watching her go through all the stages and the last months
and weeks were really hard, not just for my in laws, but also
for me; my mother-in-law was my best friend. In the 32 years
my husband and I have been married, we spent a lot of time together
and I miss her terribly.
tell you this because now my mother has a problem with circulation
and her brain is being affected. She has mini strokes frequently,
and every time she has one her abilities and personality change.
My dad is still alive, but he is 82 and has some problems with
short-term memory and understanding everyday things, although
they still live in their home of 50 years and I know he will
fight if it comes to putting mom in to a care facility.
For me it has meant leaving my part-time job and putting a strain on our family
finances so that I am able to be available when they need me; and even though
she sees her doctors regularly it is confusing trying to figure out just what
she understands and what she doesn't . At times she acts like she is about
8 or 10 years old, and at other times she acts like my mother. My dad is not
in the best of health either and a lot of times he lets things go instead of
arguing with her to do something. She has some problems controlling her bladder
and we can't get her to keep underwear like Depends or something on so this
is a constant issue. It bothers her to think that she can't control her bladder
and I guess the Depends remind her, I really am not sure. I feel very alone.
I miss my mother and I miss my mother-in-law. I have a 30-year-old daughter,
but she works long hours at two jobs, so I don't get to talk to her very much.
Last year my husband had complete kidney failure. He pulled through and recovered.
Well I wish I had some great advice to give, but I am afraid I haven't figured
it out yet.
husband and I had been living 650 miles from his mom and step dad.
We knew that her memory was leaving her and she was becoming unable
to care for her husband's serious health problems. We gave up our
home and careers to help care for both of them. Eight short days
after we arrived with 10,000 pounds on the moving truck, her husband
had a severe stroke and died two weeks later, leaving us to care
when we realized that she had all the signs and symptoms of Alzheimer's.
He had kept her from seeing the doctor (they shared the same doctor),
refusing to let her go to the exam room with him on his visits.
Apparently, he did not want the doctor to find out about her condition.
The Alzheimer's had gotten to a point where it was making his life
hell and he was hoping she would die before he did. He tried to
give the land to the neighbors, but couldn't get her to sign the
papers. But he did manage to give their life savings to this same
been completely neglected, the Alzheimer's had helped to break
even with her payments, but they weren't going to pay for any facilities
where she'd be cared for. Can anyone share some information that
will help us? Any advise will be greatly appreciated!
it breaks my heart to read the stories of devotion and grief that
I see on this site, it also comforts me in a way to know that I
am not alone. What is it about siblings that refuse to deal with
the needs of an aging parent? That responsibility does not just
end there in my story; I have a mother that defies logic to deal
with as well.
My father recently suffered a stroke and while he is improving and trying to
get around, he requires constant care. He is incontinent and unable to get
up or move around without assistance. My father was a very strong and independent
man prior to the last few years. Alzheimer's and Parkinson's have weakened
him and this recent stroke has made things even worse. My sister lives 20 minutes
away and is married with a 6-year-old son. I live two hours west and also have
a wonderful husband and 7-year-old boy who is the light of my life. My father
suffered the stroke in early November and I have spent a total of four nights
in my own home since then. My sister has visited a total of four times and
called twice. She barely talks to my father and makes no extra effort to see
him. She blames her lack of contact on her schedule. She volunteers at her
son's school for a few hours a day, then works a second shift job at night.
I quit my part-time day job to help my father.
mother...oh there's a peach of a story. She married my father 37
years ago. She was previously married and had me. My father legally
adopted me seven years ago - that's another story. My mother also
never deals with confrontation or stress well. She is an emotional
basket case who thinks that you show real love by buying something
nice for someone. While she did take on the bulk of my father's
care when his health started to decline several years ago, she
made me aware every time we spoke of what a burden it was for her.
She also berates my father almost daily, taking out her frustrations
on him for the situation they are in. She works full time during
the day as a receptionist for a very understanding boss who would
give her the moon if she asked for it. She despises my sister and
has always been envious of her somewhat easy way of life. Yet she
is always polite and nice to her face. That's the way she is with
everyone. She also complains constantly of how tired and overworked
the past month I have done everything for them. I cook, I clean
the house, I look after Dad and keep track of all his meds and
doctor visits. I take him to his appointments and work with him
at home. I am there Monday through Friday and don't take a break.
I miss my husband and son so much it hurts. My heart breaks every
week when I have to drive off and leave them. We had considered
moving closer to my parents' home, but as much as my mother and
sister take advantage of me now, I'm afraid it would be 10 times
worse if we were closer. I won't subject my husband and son to
the kind of abuse my father and I have had to deal with. I've aged
more in the past month than the past 10 years combined. I can't
sleep more than four hours a night and my patience is at an all-time
low. I don't want to abandon my father, but I cannot bear the weight
of this situation on my own. I would love to find a support group
to go to, but until my mother gets home in the evenings, the groups
story only shadows those here. I hang my head in overwhelming grief
often and ask "Why?" Life should not be like this.
am 45, fast approaching 46. Once an outgoing, driven professional,
over the last three years I have become isolated and depressed
to the point I have not been able to look for work and there is
no income at all. My father passed away with three weeks after
being diagnosed with congestive heart failure. He passed January
6, 2001, leaving behind my mother (both were 83)after 65 years
of marriage. My father? A very good man. Bottom line. There, I
lost my light. I didn't have any time to grieve as mom fell seriously
ill along with her health problems related to age. Deafness, dementia
(growing worse rapidly), serious heart conditions, loss of sight
in one eye.
found their wedding picture the other night. Both 21 back in the
1940s; beautiful people, young, full of hope, vibrant, in love.
I relocated from California to Florida about two years ago when mom was doing
a bit better (she was always independent in her own care) only temporarily
because I needed to get away from everything. I lost my long-time career over
the passing of my father because of my own depression from all this and constant
caregiving. At this point, for myself there is no income, no health coverage,
ended up suffering two mild strokes that made the dementia worsen.
I came home. (Thank God I saved enough to travel.) I am alone.
No family. I have two older sisters in their 60s with grown children
who have children of their own. No one understands how and why
they turned their backs on me or mom, even dad for that matter.
Selfish and self-absorbed. Both very well off financially, live
20 minutes away and as I witnessed over the Thanksgiving holiday,
no calls, no cards, no visits from any of them.
I went to Florida for my own sanity, that is when I heard from
them. They called to curse at me for leaving in the first place
and how none of them wanted any responsibility for mom's care.
None of them have. All are able bodied, even the boys, the grandchildren,
who can't help with yard work or household things. None of them.
I am alone.
I somehow have put up this barrier. I feel it. I no longer grieve for my father,
I accept it. I don't coddle mom, I do what needs to be done and accept it.
Yet, God, there has to be a small miracle somewhere. I am only human.
won't allow outside services to assist. With her dementia, (noticed
in long distance phone calls) she would always find something horrible
with any service that would assist. Stealing, sneaking around the
house, saying unbelievable things to her. I don't know what to
do anymore. I am strong, but human. I can't put her in a home,
that would surely kill her and myself as this is not even an option.
I know, somehow. Has anyone else known this in your heart, a sixth
sense? She will not be with me for more than a year. I just know
it in my heart.
parents did a lot for my sisters and grandchildren. More than for
me, though it didn't matter. Never hesitant to provide a roof over
their heads, money (though not affluent) to assist in whatever
may have been needed to make "their" lives more comfortable.
And, now they turn their backs. One sister said, "I refuse
to be around old people and I hate mom. This is your problem. Good
luck." The other married to a real estate mogul and owns more
property than God, walked away 23 years ago. The grandchildren,
one male 36 lives near the coast only 20 minutes away and doesn't
have time because it would interfere with his new girlfriend; the
two granddaughter: both married into money and told their husbands
their grandparents were deceased. What goes around comes around.
But, for me all I ask is a miracle. Just one.
3 am on Sunday and I can't sleep. I've been here two weeks and
it feels like a lifetime. I don't look my age, have kept fit and
healthy over the years and maybe, that is the small miracle to
care for my mother now even without my own medical care or income.
But, that won't last long. I don't feel well at all. Mom, we were
never close. I was very close to dad. But, she is my mom. She is
the only family I have. I just wish God would open a door on so
many that have been closed.
sudden passing of my Father brought not only grief to the family
but the instant he was gone the care of my mother was automatically
on me. The day after he died we received confirmation of the MRI
that indeed my mother was in the latter stages of Alzheimer's.
He (my Dad) hadn't educated himself about it at all, nor had he
provided health insurance for himself or his wife.
I am an only child with 4 daughters of my own, it all fell on me.
Funeral, investigating health issues. My mother was absolutely
clueless about all the financial matters of their household. Not
to mention her speech was constantly stuttering and almost incoherent
to the outsider. Her ability to read was questionable. She could
barely figure out how to hold a pen, much less still spell her
How she lost that was due to lack of stimulation as we see it now. One must
continue to do things when they are difficult in order to maintain the function
mother's care consisted of adult day care for about 6 months. Fortunately
there were two in our town to get assistance. Then there was what
to do with her at night. I had to rotate with my eldest daughters
and step-son who would spend the night with her. Once when I was
there she woke up, went into the bathroom, fell smack into the
edge of the shower and I had to rush her to emergency for 16 stitches
(her sense of response wasn't working). No hands out to block the
fall - just straight down. About a month after that she fell out
of bed (while my step-son was sleeping in the other room). After
that fall, which had no visible signs of harm, she acted very despondent.
There was something wrong and we sure couldn't figure out what
it was. I need to add during this 6-month period her speech got
so no one could understand what she was trying to say. Her responses
were questionable. Did yes mean no and vice versa? Hard to say.
tried the local support group but felt like I was dealing with
a way worse case than anyone else. They were astounded that I was
dealing with her on my own. As I was going to say, after the second
fall the doctor recommended assisted living. It took a lot of investigating
to find one for only $2,000 a month that didn't smell when you
walked in! I felt guilty but I had business to tend to. Don't feel
guilty - but don't leave them and not go see them - they still
need you at least once a week (try for more time if you can).
much more of my story. She's almost ready to leave this earth.
Her body is shutting down, it's been a long haul for this 81-year-old
body. She stays with family now (my daughter or me) to see her
into the last days. It is no day at the beach my friend. Have patience
and pray till it's gone.
73-year-old mother had been very dependent on my father during
their 49-year marriage for companionship. Almost four years ago
she had a stroke which left her with impaired vision. This disability
attenuated her dependency on my father. Last year my father was
diagnosed with a terminal illness which required us to place them
in a facility where he was in the nursing home and she was in the
assisted living center. He passed away 6 months ago.
his 14-month illness, there were many people visiting her and my
father. When my father died, she became very dependent on my brother.
He visited her every day. He recently had a change in employment
which does not allow him to visit her every day and she is having
a difficult time coping. My sister and brother are the only two
adult children who live in the same town as she. She began using
her phone to try to contact one of them to inquire when they would
come visit her. These phone calls became excessive and when they
did not answer the phones, she started insisting the staff contact
one of them. When she did not comply with requests to reduce the
number of calls, the phone had to be removed from her room.
refused to watch the television because of her vision problems,
she doesn't like listening to music or books on tape, won't become
acquainted with any other residents, and won't participate in any
facility activities. She suffers from mild dementia and finds most
activities too challenging for her to do and nothing seems to hold
her interest. She is very insecure which leads to her desire to
have one of her adult children with her constantly. She has just
recently began walking to the nurse station several times a day
with multiple requests including requesting the nurses to call
one of her children. She can be very mean when things don't happen
to her satisfaction. She has now become such a high-demand patient
that the assisted living center staff have suggested that she may
need to be moved to the nursing home side. We have taken her to
the doctor and she is on anti-depressants and anti-anxiety medicines
and nothing seems to help. We are out of ideas and patience and
need help with organizations or ideas that can give us guidance.
reading some of the heart-wrenching stories in this section, I
feel guilty for even submitting a story at all. My story isn't
that bad; most of my problems stem from my mother's past and its
present impact on me and my sisters.
My mother is 86 and lives alone. I arranged to get her agency help through
the state. The case workers have come out to her house and arranged for various
services to be delivered to her - they will do laundry, bathe her (she is nowhere
near needing that kind of help yet, thank God), they will grocery shop for
her, etc. Small things for a minimal cost, based on her ability to pay. Of
course, I will help her with the finances, if need be, although at present
she has more money than I do, despite the fact that she is in a lower-income
bracket. She gets my deceased father's pension money and social security and
has a small amount in a CD in her bank.
She is VERY hard of hearing. That in and of itself is not so bad maybe,
but she loves to talk and has always been one to crave company and
It is such that I can no longer have a decent conversation with her on the
phone. She says "huh" constantly, so then I need to repeat myself.
No big deal, but patience is in short supply for me. I am alone raising three
kids - 16, 13 and 11. Their father walked out five years ago, so I've been
on my own with them that long. He is no help at all, and lately has been sending
the small support check late. He's a doctor, by the way, yet wouldn't help
my mother or anyone else in my family, even if they were on their deathbed.
My mother spent no time with us growing up, yet now we are supposed
to care what happens to her. She was chronically depressed, having
given up a child
out of wedlock when she was in her early 20s. We heard all about this as well
as her other sad, tragic tales. I have heard her childhood stories too many
times to count: Alcoholic, abusive father who chased the family around with
an axe on nights when he was in a drunken rage, her chronic bed wetting which
her mother deemed deliberate on her part and called her "Pisser" and
hung the urine-soaked bed sheets out for the townsfolk to see.
My mother exploited us when we were growing up by using us as a catharsis for
her own psychological pain. She told me and my sisters when we got a bit older
(in our early 20s) that she wanted to put poison in our orange juice when we
were young children because she was so despairing and depressed. Of course,
she said she would poison herself along with us. She told us that when she
found out she was pregnant at age 23 by a married man she would stand in front
of rushing freight trains to gather up the courage to jump in front of one.
She told us her stories, and we were supposed to do what with this knowledge?
I am still not sure what was to be accomplished, but I know it caused us guilt,
sadness and a feeling of helplessness that we could never, ever make her pain
go away or make her happy.
My mother poisoned, figuratively speaking, my childhood and my young life with
her toxic stories of sadness and torture.
She literally slept about 75 percent of the time during my sisters' and my
childhood. She was asleep after she got us off to school in the morning and
she'd be sleeping when we got in at 4:00. She'd awake some nights at 5:00 p.m.,
some at 6:00 p.m. in time to feed us. She wasn't there for us, yet she wants
us to be there for her now. I have to do it but I'm filled with resentment
and regret. She would have loved it if I lived at home with her and never married
or had children at all. Just lived to keep her company and be her therapist,
her sounding board.
parents moved in with us 4 years ago and my dad who was ill died
3 weeks later. My mom totally depended on me but she was still
fairly strong but not driving and I was the cabbie and wore "all
My mom was always a very strong-willed person who worked her entire life and
spent her own money. Problem was she spent more than she made and never saved
My dad didn't make a lot so there was nothing but her social security.
I am home full time because of a serious spinal problem and so it's all on
I have two older boys 23 and 29. The oldest is getting married and he is the
one who understands and helps me whenever he can.
My husband "escapes" when he comes home from work to the PC room.
He is bitter that at this time in our lives it should have been "easier" it's
harder than we could have imagined.
My only brother lives in another country and when he lived in the states he
still was useless.
My mom is now on oxygen 24/7 and she just suffered a heart attack and needed
two stents put in.
She cannot be left alone overnight so now my husband and I just cancelled our
second get-away. This is not going well for our 30-year marriage.
We don't have a lot to spend with the new mortgage and caring for my
mom and now helping my son with his wedding, but we never have any
My mom wants me to take her to the movies, out to eat, and when she can walk
I never talk on the phone and I hardly ever see any friends. They all work
and go out at night. I am too exhausted by night time to even think of going.
I did push myself a week ago and it felt good to see my old friend.
My husband is very dear but I am angry that he never sits with us and watches
TV because he makes the excuse he just doesn't like the same shows.
My mom has the first floor and we have the second so we do have that privacy
when I go up at night.
It is very hard to have your parent become "your child." I am 51
and never would believe that this would now be my life. My 23-year-old is home
and he has learning problems and has a job he hates and he gives me "a
run for my money" but not too bad, but with all the stress combined with
my mother it's just too much.
We can't afford nursing or a companion to stay so right now it's just hard
and I need to learn how to cope.
Thank you for this site.
I am 39 years old and caring for my 79-year-old mom who is suffering
from dementia along with heart conditions and diabetes. I cared
for my dad who was a dialysis patient with severe leg problems
until his death in 2000. The care for my mom is getting more and
more difficult. Recently she hurt her hip and is having pain. I
also have 4 children and a hubby. I don't "work" outside
the home except as a volunteer running the hot-lunch program at
my kids' school. I don't want to give that up because it's my sanity.
I spend some time each day on line and would love to hear and chat
with others in similar situation who would have an understanding
for what I'm dealing with.
am 53, caring for my 73-year-old father. My sister is fighting
to have him placed in an assisted living facility and take over
his finances. I need reliable information to back me up on my theory
that seniors live longer and happier in a family setting, preferably
in their own home. I am running out of time.
82-year-old mother has recently come to live with us. In fact,
she is building an addition onto our home. While the addition is
being built, she is living in a 26-foot travel trailer in our yard.
She chose this trailer because she did not want to put too much
money into it. Now she dislikes it and who can blame her.
my daughter and granddaughter are living with me at this time,
I do not have a spare bedroom. The trailer was just for Mom to
sleep in. She has the run of the house, but will not take advantage
of it. She insists on behaving like a guest.
major problem we are having with her is her anger. She does not
sleep at night, worries incessantly, and chews us up royally just
about every morning. She does not remember well and changes her
mind constantly. I am going crazy, and actually dread going home
from work. This morning I left home early and ate breakfast at
a restaurant by myself because she had reamed my husband out first
thing and I couldn't face her and then go to work and teach a class
full of children.
I'm not at the solution stage. I am working on the problem and
desperately seeking a support group. Maybe this website will help.
I'll be praying for all you caregivers out there. You're doing the right thing
- but that doesn't make it easy.
48 years old and married the second time. I have two beautiful
daughters who help me on occasion and my husband is very supportive.
I care for my mom who is 84 years old. She has dementia. I have
two sisters, one out of town and the other 10 houses away. Neither
one help me with my mom. I came across this site after looking
at a site that was for caregivers. I need this tonight.
do everything for mom and I don't begrudge her at all. I'm glad
she's still with us and in fairly good heath but there are frustrating
days. Today, for example. I work full time, 40 hours per week,
and am planning to work a part-time job in the evenings just to
make ends meet. You see it was thrown in my face by my one sister
that I live here rent-free and mom should be my full responsibility.
That statement was told to me when I had asked her to help me with
my mom, her mom, our mom. So, my husband and I decided to buy the
house from my sister. My sister who lives 10 houses away flies
to Vegas, goes on cruises, and off to Florida or to visit her daughter
in upstate New York,, yet can't find time to spend a few hours
to check to see if the women that gave her life is alive, safe
and well. Please excuse my bitterness. I'm not that way. Well,
maybe I am - but just for tonight.
you for letting me post this and God Bless all of you out there
caring for your parents.
is not a story, it's just our life. My husband and I are wondering
if we're the only one's who write check after check for both sets
of parents who can't make ends meet. We spend about $400 a month
to cover gaps in medical, and food, and phone and utilities.
Our parents' decisions weigh into the equation, but it's a moot point. You
can't let your parents be cold or hungry, regardless of their poor choices.
Some hardships are due to not enough coverage medically and so we cover the
dental, or the prescriptions from time to time. We send clothes, yet they are
not our dependants. They are still in their own homes, and have their health
such that they are in dependant in some sense.
This is money we need to save for us; we have no children and so we worry.
But we do it.
Just wondered if we were the only ones who wish our parents would have made
They didn't send us through school, we both have been on our own since we were
living in another part of the state since college, I have moved
back to be nearer to my folks. I just turned 50 and am working
through many issues at this time. The one I want help with is with
my Mom. She was one of the polio victims of the '50 s and couldn't
be there for us all the time. I know it hurt her as much as it
hurt the rest of us. I built a wall around my feelings and I want
to open back up to her again and feel again - the joy or the pain,
but just feel.
for the web site.
really need this site tonight. I am a 47-year-old female who has
been taking care of my 82-year-old mom for about the last 7 years.
We are very close. I was with her when my Dad died. About a year
later, my husband died at home after a 3-year bout with cancer.
I adore my mom and she is actually very easy to care for and to
live with. Her sense of humor and deep faith puts a positive spin
on life's little ups and downs. I am so glad my 12-year- old daughter
has had the opportunity to get to know her and learn from her.
problem is my siblings. I have so much resentment towards them
that I feel as if I am not even related to them anymore. When mom
dies, I never want to see any of them again. One of my brothers
has told me to put her in a nursing home. The other one comes by
about once a year and always with friends and hungry. My oldest
brother has hepatitis and now he is here with us too, as is his
eldest daughter. My only sister moved out here from NYC after 9-11
and I had hoped she would spend time with my mom and give me a
break. This has not happened. They expect to be able to drop in
at a moment's notice and to have me cook for them and their mates.
They do not contribute one dime towards her care or bills, or make
any attempt to help in any way. When I say anything, and I have,
they tell me that my child and I are living here rent free and
that is enough. It's almost as if they cannot admit that mom is
handicapped and uses a walker and a wheelchair. She is not the
one who prepares the food anymore or keeps the house. I feel totally
unsupported (which I am by them) and I thank God for the support
of my friends and my mom's church. I have tried to look at this
spiritually and at times I have achieved a measure of peace and
calm. Sometimes I feel so blessed to have this chance to take care
of her and share this with my child. Right now I just feel angry.
It helps to write this and read that I am not the only one who
has been left alone to care for a parent.
am glad I found this site.
retired from 40 years of nursing, looking forward to doing some
things I never had time to do during my years of working, keeping
a family of five organized & happy. Our son, wife and 2-year-old
grandson moved into our new retirement home a few months prior
to our retirement, while they were waiting for their new house
to be completed. They moved out in March and my 81-year-old mother
moved in to live with us in April. You get the picture, we had
no time to ourselves.
is not the mother I knew in the past. She lost her husband of 45
years (a step dad to me) a year ago. He was never nice to her or
anyone else, but she has made him into a saint since his death.
She has many signs of depression, but insists that she isn't whenever
I bring up the subject.
I've tried to get her out in the community and involved in activities, but
she shows little to no interest. Her enjoyment seems to be going to the doctors
for her aliments and staying in her PJs all day.
I've become resentful that I have to deal with her on a day-to-day basis and
have no time to myself. My husband and I have lost privacy with her going everywhere
we go and if we do get away by ourselves we have to make plans to to take her
to stay with one of our kids and family. I feel guilty that I resent having
her here all the time; my mental health is starting to suffer!
Why do I feel this way toward her? Does anyone else out there have these feelings
Thanks for listening!
elderly parents, Mother 85, and Father 89, have taken care of a
totally handicapped son, now age 50, at home since birth. They
live in another state about 1,800 miles from me and I cannot be of
assistance. They are progressively getting more frail and unable
to do the caregiving he needs. Is anyone aware of any government
agency, Federal or State that could be of assistance in this situation?
They are located in the State of Maryland. Any suggestions would
be greatly appreciated. They have indicated all along that they
intend to care for him until one or the other becomes totally disabled
themselves. They could use any assistance with the lifting and
care that is required. Thanks for any considerations.
am an only child who has been caring for my 88-year-old mother
in my home for the past nine years. I am very tired of listening
to her complaints and it is really dragging me down. I have no
support from anyone and wish I had left her to live on her own,
but at this point she has congestive heart failure and maybe really
does need some help. She likes to be waited on and catered to and
we have never gotten along too well. She and my husband do not
get along and hardly speak so that makes things more tense. Well
that is my story and I'm sticking to it! Looking up is the only
am 57 and taking care of my 83 year old mother. She is a very interesting,
lovely person but her health is failing quickly. It takes all of
our resources to keep her healthy. I am thus without health insurance.
My marriage has ended and I am without work because she is a 24-hour-a-day
don't know where to turn for help. I have one sibling who has refused
to help to date and shows no sign of a change of heart. I am on
the verge of bankruptcy and cannot even afford to join this organization.
I laughed when they said it cost money. If I had the price of admission
I would have to spend it on her. I am getting so stressed that
my health is getting bad. I want to run away from home but it is
not necessary since when she passes away I will lose our home and
car as her income helps to pay the bills here and I cannot do it.
I feel like the walls are closing in and that I have absolutely
no freedom. I need help and have no idea where to turn.
was recently in a nursing home and released after the insurance
ran out. Her personality has changed and she is not only dependant
but cranky most of the time. She suddenly hates everyone and has
a difficult time interacting with people. I don't know how much
longer I can keep her at home and, as the house is in her name
and I am so in debt, I will probably be homeless when I admit her
to a home. I am frightened and feel like I must be doing something
wrong and for the life of me all I know how to do is what I am
doing. Can anyone help?
am a single mother who has her elderly mother living with her.
She has chronic heart disease, lung disease and diabetes. I have
one sibling who helps on occasion but has small children which
limits her availability, the others just don't want a part of the
responsibility. I have bills that I am having a hard time paying
because I am so stressed out at times that I forget to pay them
or I don't have the money to pay them. My electric bill is unbelievable
from the oxygen machine running all of the time.
am trying to refinance my home but I am having a problem with that
because I have a few late payments on credit cards because my mother
was hospitalized four times this past year and my mother's debt
is showing up on my credit report because of the same name thing.
I created a lot of debt from paying for her prescriptions and spending
money from being depressed.
my mother comes home from the hospital and has the aide and physical
therapist, she does well but, of course, medicare only pays for
a short time and once they say she is strong enough they cut it
off. This sends her into a depression and seems like she gets sicker
when the next episode from her ailments act up.
get an attitude from my siblings when my mother becomes ill. They
act as if I am not taking good care of her. They never come and
see my mother and expect me to always take off from work to get
her back and forth to the doctor's office. I gave up on asking
for the help. I do get angry especially when my mother talks about
my siblings who couldn't care less about coming to spend time with
thanks for listening.