following are true stories sent in by today's caregivers:
am a registered nurse working at a correctional facility in Somerset,
PA. My father is now 78 years old and has numerous health
problems. I requested a transfer to a prison closer to him to assume
the role of primary caregiver. With letters of support from two of
his doctors, the Commonwealth of PA "approved" my transfer
pending next available opening. That was April 30, 2003. I am now
that due to the anticipated closing of a prison in Pittsburgh, PA that
those employees on the recall list for the prison in Greensburg (which
is closest to my father) take priority over my transfer. I obtained
a copy of the recall list and found two names on it requesting Greensburg.
I have more seniority than both of those nurses put together! There
is an opening available now but they have been paying overtime and "holding" it
instead of honoring my transfer. I have written to four legislators
and the Governor's Office about this, I submitted a complaint to the
Employees Assistance Program where I work and filed a grievance with
the union. Is there anything else I can do to make this move possible?
Email any suggestions to: email@example.com. Thank you.
My mother is 88 years old. I have three brothers. One
lives with my mom. The other two do very little to help. The one that
lives with her hasn't worked in over 15 years and he verbally abuses
her. They live on her $673 per month Social Security check and what
I can manage to give them. Her house is falling apart, her mental and
physical conditions are very bad. I was laid off my job about three
years ago but I do odd jobs to try to make money to help. I owe over
$1,000 on my credit card for her medicine. No matter what I do for
her, it is not enough. She calls me at least once a day, sometimes
twice, with more needs. My husband resents my giving her money since
my brother is there and won't work. Because he is there and not working,
I find it difficult to get help for her. She looks to me for all her
needs. I have taken her to doctors and she still complains of being
sick all the time. I am drained physically and mentally because I don't
have the money to meet her needs. My friends don't seem to have any
answers and don't enjoy hearing about our problems. Where can I go
A little over 2 years ago, I lost my job. A couple months
after that my rented home was sold out from under me and I moved into
my parents' home. Three months later, my live-in boyfriend (who had
to move in with someone else due to the sale of our home) broke up
with me by email after five years together. Four months after my cat
(who was my best friend for over 17 years) had to be put down. Five
months after that, my car was totaled, two weeks before my mother passed
away. So, you can see, I've really had a rough time these last 2 1/2
Life in this house was difficult enough for me,
being that both my parents are/were very domineering and judgmental
of others. Since my
mother died, my father has become nearly impossible to live with. My
mother was my confidant, and she was the glue that held things together
and kept my father in check. He is a very loving and giving person
in the big ways — giving me a place to live rent-free, giving
me money whenever it's absolutely necessary (I try to turn it down,
but he insists), but at the same time he's very dominating, judgmental,
opinionated, racist, has no class (such as making racist comments in
public places where he can be overheard), very poor conversational
skills (even though he prides himself on his education in psychology
and communication!), and just general everyday discourtesies. He's
rude, impolite, and uses his hearing problems to "not hear" people
when they're talking to him (I've caught him at it). He lies (white
lies, but still lies) when it's to his benefit and everything that
happens is always someone else's fault (my mother had that complaint
as well), such as his pens missing from his desk after one of my children
used his computer, then he finds them right where HE left them in another
I'm unemployed, most of my belongings have been
in storage for over 2 years, and I'm struggling with what I'm going
to do once I do get
a job. I'm living in a 10x12' room with a 5-foott-wide closet. I'm
crowded to the point of knocking things over if I just turn around.
I really need to move out for my own health and well-being, but he
doesn't want me to move out, and I'm afraid for him as well. Even though
my children are as frustrated with him as I am, they don't spend nearly
as much time around him as I do and they constantly berate me for not
having more patience with him than I do (they should try dealing with
it 24/7 like I do!). If I try to talk to my father about my problems
with my children, even if he brought up the subject and I had just
spent several minutes listening to him vent, when I start talking,
he tunes me out, turns and walks away, or interrupts me by changing
the subject. Obviously, from my earlier statements, I can't talk to
my children either. As it stands I have no one to talk to — NO
ONE! So my anger and frustration just stays bottled up inside and my
children and father cannot figure out why I'm so stressed and angry
all the time. Believe me, I am trying to cope, but even when I make
improvements on my attitude and such, I still get the same amount of
grief from my family members for what I'm NOT doing. It makes me want
to just give up and quit.
My father is having some problems mentally, but
he does not have a medical condition causing it — it's all the medications he's
taking. His doctors are still trying to come to a livable balance.
The man loves to talk — and talk, and talk, and talk ... but
he does little to no listening. Another problem he has is that he cannot
talk and do ANYTHING else, so driving, in my opinion, has become a
dangerous thing for him to do. But, he insists on doing the driving
whenever we go anywhere together — he says he "has to." But,
that's the way he is about everything — it's his way or no way.
If I do something around the house for him, and I do it my way, he
complains about it, saying that he's lived in this house for 27 years
and he knows how things should be done here. He controls everything,
from conversation to, well, there seems to be no limit —- he
is in control, period.
I feel like I'm being watched and judged constantly by him and my
children. When I voice a problem with my father, my children say, "Well,
he is 72 years old!" and things like, "You shouldn't do
things that stress him out" and so on. I'm 48 years old and
have my own set of medical problems — high blood pressure,
IBS, and genital herpes (a present from my ex-husband), all of which
react to stress. Living with my father is stressful enough, but my
entire family seems to be ignoring MY health problems, and causing
me stress seems to be of no concern to any of them, as long as I
don't stress out anyone else, everything's hunky-dory. That attitude
alone causes it's own stress on me — the fact that no one in
my family seems to care what effect THEY have on ME and MY health!
I'm at my wit's end. I don't want to spend my father's remaining
years being in constant discord with my father — besides, after
he's gone, I'll have to live with my children remembering and reminding
me how "bad" I treated my father. He even said to me once
that if anyone had to live with and take care of him, he wanted it
to be me rather than either of my daughters, because he was afraid
they would be mean to him. That says alot!
I just don't know how to handle the situation. I love my father dearly,
but I love myself, too. I'll probably still be around for a long time
after he's gone and I need to protect myself, but my children see that
as being selfish. I've taken to staying in my room with my door closed
most of the time out of self-preservation, and I get chastised for
It all almost makes me wish he would just hurry
up and pass away so I can be saved from all the problems and heartache,
and those thoughts
are distressing me as well — I don't want to think like those
thoughts — it's wrong, and I really DON'T want him to die! I
just can't take the stress anymore. My own health is failing because
of it. I've even thought of suicide as an escape, but my religious
beliefs would prohibit it even if I really wanted it, which I don't.
But, I do now understand why people do it — I know first-hand
what it feels like to have no hope for positive change. The Serenity
Prayer does not even apply — I can't accept or change anything — I
feel like I'm sinking and there's no help for it. All I can do is live
one day at a time and keep on hoping, which is all I seem to do. I
can't even see a tunnel, much less a light at the end of it — I
feel like I'm in a timeless void and that this is how the rest of my
life is going to be spent. I feel there is no hope left.
I am feeling very frustrated right now and would really
appreciate some feedback.
I have been with a wonderful man for almost 5 years. We have been engaged
for over two. He is an only child (45) of elderly parents, ages 83
and 84. Mom has had Parkinson's for years and dad has taken full care
of her in their own home, about four miles from our home. She is wheelchair-bound
and unable to do anything for herself. Things started to come apart
back in May 2004.
Dad passed out in the basement and ended up being taken by helicopter
to Pennsylvania Hospital. I took several days off from my job to take
care of mom's needs; dad was then sent to a rehab facility and we were
able to get mom in there — they spent a month there but then
insisted on going home, on our condition that they hire full-time help.
To make a long story short, their private caregiver is not reliable
and my father-in-law refuses to see this, always making excuses for
her because she gets along with mom. In the past three weeks, she has
not been there at least a week of the time (without calling), and he
won't call me and tell me he needs help. Three weeks ago mom fell while
he was moving her into her wheelchair and he fell on top of her. Instead
of calling 911, he got into his car at 10:00 p.m., leaving her on the
floor, and DROVE to our house (he couldn't get us on the phone). We
weren't home and when he drove home was in a car accident.
My step-daughter went to see her grandparents yesterday and came home
to tell me that once again the nurse had not come. I then went over
to put mom to bed. We noticed as we pulled in the driveway that dad's
car had a broken rear taillight and the bumper was crushed. He had
hit the car across the street while backing out of the driveway. What
my fiancé neglected to tell me was that his father admitted
to it being a hit and run. I found that out this morning when I went
over, before work, to get mom out of bed as the nurse didn't show up
again! Dad is failing very quickly — I see it plain as day but
my fiancé refuses to see it. He should not be driving a car,
and yet his son is allowing this!
Here is the biggest problem: My fiancé’s refusal to accept
what is going on over there. One or both of them are going to end up
dead, very tragically, I'm afraid, if there is not some kind of intervention,
and quickly. He is in so much denial over this, and yet I know he would
be crushed if something happened that he could have prevented. Has
anyone else had to deal with someone who wouldn't face up to their
parents' illnesses and who is being left handling all of it? I love
them all and could never refuse to help, but I need him to see the
am the youngest of three children and the job of putting my mother
(81 years old) in a care facility has landed on my shoulders.
She has been showing signs of dementia now for probably five years.
Her fourth husband, age 86, recently filed for divorce because he could
not handle her behaviors anymore. She has a history of being hard to
deal with and now with the dementia it has increased substantially
(anger, paranoia, delusions, aggressive behavior). Her oldest daughter
has had no contact with her for 35 years and wants no part of her.
Her next oldest, a son, hasn't seen her in three years but did call
her occasionally and then myself, who usually visited a few times
a year and called fairly often.
I was given advice from a senior care caseworker to start pursuing
guardianship of her, which I did. However, she lived in another
state and after hiring an attorney in her state and starting the legal
action, I was told it would "probably" transfer. After a
couple plane trips to deal with her move and the guardianship matter,
to mention retainers for three attorneys (original attorney, guardian
ad lit um, and an attorney hired by the guardian ad lit um to handle
her divorce), I moved her to the city and state where I reside. Now
I get information from the original attorney that the guardianship
not transfer to my state and I'll have to contact another attorney
here to proceed. In my state they require an original attorney, a doctor,
a LPC and a guardian ad lit um all with healthy retainers.
My mother has always had a fear of nursing homes and often said she
would kill herself before she ever was put in one. So, I found a lovely
assisted living facility where she had her own apartment. She lasted
two days and was then sent to an elder mental hospital to assess her
behavior and get her on medications that would help control her behaviors.
While there she got pneumonia. It was treated, her behaviors were under
control and she was discharged to a structured Alzheimer's home which
they had "recommended." Come to find out her pneumonia was
not gone and she declined rapidly and ended up in a hospital for eight
days. The doctor told me she had aspiration pneumonia. I did some research
and found out the anti psychotic medication she is taking can
and probably did cause her aspiration pneumonia. From there she went
to a nursing home acute care unit and then transferred to their Alzheimer's
unit. This is five moves and $35,000 in two months.
My dilemma: She needs to be on the anti psychotic medications to
keep her behavior in check (sort of) or she gets "discharged" from
the nursing home. She was on thickened liquids to help keep her from
aspirating. So then she won't drink at all and gets dehydrated. I signed
a waiver to let her have regular liquids. She has declined tremendously
in the last two months through this ordeal by the way. I visited her
yesterday and she didn't look at all well. They assess her and think
she is getting pneumonia again and what do I want to do, call the doctor
and again treat the pneumonia if they can, put her on comfort measures
and let the good Lord decide, take her off the anti psychotic medications
so she won't get the aspiration pneumonia but then get kicked out of
the nursing home and end up in a state-run mental hospital where they'll
put her on anti psychotic medications. What do I do? I need some advice
here. If I have them treat the pneumonia she'll just keep getting pneumonia
and eventually antibiotics won't work and she die.
am a corporate gerontologist who is also a professional speaker.
My story is somewhat a dificult one. I am a 56-year-old professional
who was abused as a child by both parents. The abuse was very much
physical and emotional and many times it was my (now) husband that
literally saved my life.
issue now is also a request. On July 7th I was highlighted in an
interview with The Christian Science Monitor talking
about the fact that I was abused and now I am taking care of the
parent that abused
me. This, as you can imagine, is the most difficult of all situations.
request on this list is to search out for any one who may have been
in my position as a child and is now facing the same problem: forgiveness
vs. forgetness. I am writing a book on this subject. Initally,
not going to go outside myself for the information, but many of
my colleagues convinced me it was the best to get the most approaches
and solutions I could from others who have been in my situation.
would appreciate any help from you and your members to email me
If anyone wishes to view the interview, I can
forward it on and they can learn more about me at www.speakeasygroup.com I
am thanking you in advance. I can also be called at 631-754-6666.
Northport, New York
I am at my wit's end! I moved next door to my mom and
dad eight years ago, to take care of them. I have three older sisters,
but only one of them, who lives out of state, lends a helping hand.
My Father died
one year ago, Aril 8, 2003. He was always in control of their finances,
and mom and dad were married for 64 years. Mom has
many health problems: CHF, HBP, pulmonary hypertension, depression,
benign brain tumor, and Alzheimer’s. She is also on oxygen 24/7,
and a nebulizer treatment four times a day.
I became burned
out after dad died. Mom’s demands are great,
and I have Lupus, fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue syndrome, and migraine
headaches. So, we had to hire outside help, 24/7, to come in to help
take care of mom. This is costing a small fortune! About $3,000 a week!
Mom is out of control. She order things from QVC all the time, things
she really doesn't need! Dad left her with his stock, which is now
down to $50,000! If we are lucky, this will last until January: then
what? I have researched legal options, and found out that we can get
legal guardianship over her. Then, we could place her in a very nice
assisted care living home.
But, my sisters are causing mass confusion about this! Just two weeks
ago, mom maxed out her credit card! I have no answers, but I just needed
to vent. If anyone would like to email me, I'd love to hear from you.
have been caregiver to my dad since November 28, 2003. He moved into
my home with my husband and me. He lived three hours from us. Due
to his abuse, I had not seen him since I was 13 years old and I am
now 45. I took him into my home believing it was the right thing
to do. He is 70 years old, a diabetic with many complications; he
is in wheelchair; his vision is poor; he is in renal failure, and
has severe upper and lower neurothopy.
a hard person to get along with. I have been doing this alone for
eight months now and I am emotionally drained and exhausted. My siblings
want nothing to do with him. He is very mean man and he always has
been. He continuously curses me out and I do everything for him,
from cooking to cleaning him, doing his laundry and transporting
him all over. I made my home handicapped accessible for him. I have
gone way beyond for this man and now, I the caregiver, am very ill.
My home is not happy and I do not want to be in it anymore. He has
said some really awful things. I am at my wit’s end here. No
matter what I do to please him, I am called dirt. Those are not the
words he uses. He uses very bad words and my heart is crushed.
me physically as a child and here is his abusing me again and yet
I still try to take care of him. But my patience is running thin.
I cannot do this much longer. Any help I find he says no to. He has
been in my house eight months and I haven’t had a break. Maybe
this is not what you had in mind when it said submit story, but this
is my story. This man has done some very cruel things to people in
the past and he still tries to. Years ago, if they had domestic violence
and child abuse laws, he would have been put away. But he was not.
Anyhow, I felt I was doing God’s work taking him in and now
I am very hurt and sad.
story isn't any easier or harder than anyone else's. I am trying
to come to terms with my mother's aging issues and behaviors, and
to continue to be a loving daughter and to have some peace.
my mother does her compulsive behaviors that endanger her safety,
I have to wonder if all the medical advances that extend one's life
have not sabotaged quality of life.
my mother withdraws more and more from life, and I try to keep her
interested--even keep her awake--I wonder if I am thwarting a natural
process of aging, which is withdrawal and detachment. I wonder if
I should just let aging follow its natural course.
my mother is aggressive or mean, I do what anyone else would do in
the face of aggression: I withdraw or snap back. I tell her what
I am doing and why. I tell her if/when/why I am angry. I just try
to make it a rational and predictable situation--so that each of
us knows where we stand and what the consequences are.
not always sweet, but I try to stay calm. (When she comes in to my
kitchen half-naked, I firmly turn her around and say she cannot come
in without being dressed.) My 23-year-old daughter IS kind and reassuring.
She states that Gramma is terrified of losing her mind, as indeed
she is. We should regard her behavior as that of a person who is
terrified of something that is truly terrifying.
becomes more and more irrational, living with them can be chaotic
and irrational. You just don't know what your aging parent will do
next. You cannot anticipate the next event. Safety slips away because
my mother has such poor judgment now, and she does things that endanger
her. (I find it exhausting to try to think for her, for my disabled
son, and for myself, all at the same time!) She doesn't understand
her limits; she doesn't understand about safe handling of food; she
doesn't understand about balance or spills making for a slippery
surface. She doesn't seem to understand the necessity of personal
hygiene practices. The hand-washing, the fungal infections, the falls,
the spoiled food are all nothing to her--unimportant. It is actually
hard to know what is important to her any more. The garbage is important
lately, as is corralling the cat. Oh, and having a bowel movement
every day is a priority! Mom seems to have lost her ability to set
is in her own handicap-accessible suite, added on to our home just
one year ago. We are not monitoring her every minute, though we are
in to see her and bring her food and beverage several times a day.
And she is still able to come into the house at will. She sleeps
most of the time. When we take her out for a drive, it seems to disorient
her even more. She prefers her circumscribed space/activities. She
watches a cooking show on TV--though she seems unable to manipulate
the remote control or understand the meaning of the buttons any more.
We help her turn the TV off and on. She has a phone but doesn't want
to talk to anyone, and seems not to hear when the phone rings.
too stubborn to take anybody else's word for how she should enhance
her safety or live her life. She won't listen to or see a doctor.
She won't take the antidepressants prescribed for her. She won't
take care of her fungal infections. She has diminished sight, smell
and hearing. She only drinks soda and coffee--refusing water--and
only wants to eat sweets. She cannot eat many things due to poor
dentition, which she has given up trying to remediate.
decided not to force her. We come back to her for days in a row,
offering to help her shower and wash her hair. It takes many days
to wear her down about showering/hair-washing. It is my understanding
that even in a nursing home, you cannot force someone to bathe if
they resist. My 23-year-old daughter is so good at coaxing/cajoling
that Gramma usually gives in to her--eventually.
I have taken a new job for the fall, and she will be left alone in the house
for 4 to 6-hour periods of time. I don't know if it will work. She panics when
she cannot find anyone at home. She hollers as if we have no business leaving/no
right to leave the house!
to keep on as long as I can. A home health aide is next, perhaps.
Unless she takes another debilitating fall that puts her into the
hospital/rehab. Those are very real possibilities. I try to keep
them on the back burner of my mind, but mainly we live one day at
my is Jacqueline and I take care of my mother. She had stroke in
1998. Although I have been takeing care of my mother for over 15
years, this year she changed. She is more aggressive now and she
has the early stages of Alzheimer’s. When she first had the
stroke, I had to learn how to help her rehabilitation with the therapist.
That was a big step for her and me. She had to learn to walk all
over again. She still cannot use the right-side hand.
have two schizophrenic brothers. I was taking care of both of them
for a while along with my mother. I had to make sure that I gave
them all their meds and I took them to their doctors. I did have
other sisters and brothers but they weren't able to help me. It got
very bad with one of my schizophrenic brothers because he was combative
with me and every one else. We had to put him in a group home. Now
I still take care of my mother and one of my brothers. The brother
I take care of now is not combative, he just doesn’t like to
take his meds and he won’t go to his appointments unless I
go with him.
mother is slipping slowly and I am doing the best I can for her.
She goes to a senior day program two times a week and that helps
a lot. I have never had a chance to take a vacation because there’s
no one to care for my mother or brother. I keep on holding on because
they need someone to help them and that’s what I am going to
do. I know it can be hard on a person when you have to order supplies
and meds then pick them up plus cook clean and do the laundry with
no help at all.
took care of my older brother’s children for six years. I was
a foster parent and I had three children of my on and all this was
during the years 1986 to1992. While I was taking care of my two nephews
I had to take them to see a counselor. I chose to be a foster parent
was because their mother passed away very young and my oldest brother
was not emotionally prepared, so he asked me to step in and I did
just that. Hey what is family for? It’s sure not to turn your
back on one when he or she needs help. Do you know what I mean?
reason I am writing this story is because some people need to know
that even though things seem bad, they’re not. Even though
you may not have help with your parent or family member or members,
be strong and look for help. You can always find an agency to help
you like CAPS.
my father,s caregiver. We live in his home of 39 years, which is
in dire need of repairs. What little money he had is "quickly" dwindling,
yet he receives his Social Security.
I quit my job of 15 years and moved back home to care for my parents. My mother
had a stroke in 1999, so dad was the caregiver as I commuted back and forth
from Houston to Dallas to care for both of them. I am an only child, almost
50. After I moved here, dad fell and broke his back. I moved them into an assisted
living facility, got the house cleaned and ready to sell, and then they ran
out out of money, so the folks moved back home.
my 401k to get us through last year, the car payments and Cobra insurance
for myself, which will stop in two months. I am just living minute
My mother passed last November (after 52 years of marriage to my father). My
father is 80 years old. He is blind in one eye, losing sight in the other and
his hearing is going quickly. He has multiple myeloma, osteoporosis, and a
broken back once. He was 6 feet, 4 inches and now he may be 5 feet, 3 inches.
He needs a walker and can hardly walk. We are both afraid he will fall down.
Someone has to be here 24/7.I feel guilty and nervous each time I run to the
I guess my main concerns are that the money is running out, the house is falling
apart, and I have a car payments, and living expenses like food and& utilities.
I need to get a job but what do I do with dad? Are there any other options
or avenues of additional assistance for my father that we have not thought
of? Is there any assistance for me, to help with the finances of everything
involved being the caregiver for my father?
I just found this web site today. I am thankful and I would appreciate any
advice or information that can help us get through this. I have not found a
solution and I am asking for help. I am at my wits' end. I just don't know
what to do. Working on depression after five years of care giving.
has had two strokes since July 2003. I live 3 1/2 hours away from
her and have been going home for seven months to help care for her,
since I took her out of the nursing home in January 2004. My youngest
brother has been taking care of her these past seven months and now
is burned out and wants to return home with his family out of town.
I lost my job December 31, 2003 and had been in the dental profession for 22
years. Therefore, this allows me to assist my mother with her care, her bills,
her doctor appointments, monitoring her prescriptions and just being the contact
person for her other health care professionals: occupational therapist, physical
therapist, nurse, etc.
I am planning to move my mother in with me and my husband by September 1, 2004.
I am already tired from going back and forth to help care for my mother. I
don't agree with my five siblings who want me to put her back in a nursing
I know I am used to working and having a salary and it has been uncomfortable
for me not to have money these past seven months. I am looking into starting
my own business at home, but I haven't gotten that together yet.
I feel all Long distance caregivers, in-home caregivers, and/or children taking
care of elderly parents need to just have someone to talk to during the time
they are caring for a loved one, whether disabled or elderly, especially when
they are disabled and depending on you totally. It has its ups and downs and
can wear you out.
I think it's important to have help and take breaks for yourself. I have seven
siblings and several of them cannot help with my mother's care. My brother
and I need them to help and have asked several times.
This is why I am bring my mother to live with me, because driving back and
forth 3 1/2 hours is wearing me out, and I feel having her here with me will
be much better. I know it will be difficult at times, but I'm willing to have
the challenge and I want my mother comfortable and to cherish our times together
in home and not at a nursing home.
I never dreamed that I'd be unemployed, taking care of my disabled mother and
doing what I am doing, but deep inside, I know I am doing the right thing.
I thank God for my mother, she took time to care for me, my siblings, our children
and my dad before he died of cancer in 1986. How much more can I do for her
now? A lot goes on in a day of caring for my mother: cooking, cleaning, helping
her up and down, dressing her, bathing her; there's hardly any time for myself
until around 1 a.m. every day; then she's up at least twice in the night. It's
real work, not a vacation at all.
48 years old with a full-time job. I live five hours away from my
mother, who is 77. She lives with her sister, who is 84, and next
door in the duplex to her other two sisters, 81 and 85.
I guess since my mom has her family (there are five of us), her sisters don't
want her around anymore. She still drives, but we are trying to take the car
away as she has had three accidents; the last she said she had a diabetic reaction
and hit the neighbor's fence. My parents are divorced and don't get along.
I guess my problem is that my siblings can't help for one reason or another
and I definitely have to find my mother a place to live. She won't move in
with any of us (we've tried for years) and says she needs to stay near my younger
sister who lives in an assisted living facility (mentally retarded/schizophrenic).
My dad has tried to help her but, of course, she isn't listening. Even my dad
says it is up to me!
I guess my problem is, is that we found two places for my mom to
look at (my dad found them), but she won't go by herself to look.
I'm not sure what I have to do to help her move. Are there social
workers that could help? Do I have to go there and help her? (I know
that sounds like I don't want to; I just have to take time off from
work and it will be without pay.)
know ... I guess I'm just frustrated because I know I have to go
and help her and I know she won't want to listen anyway.
Thanks for listening.